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dagas_isaI never realized how picky I am about my environment until moving here and doing homework late at night.
Now, I have to work at night. It really is when I think best and when I'm motivated. Which is why it sucks, that I'm getting so frustrated now. This is in no way Muu's fault, it's more mine because I really have a lot of privacy issues and the like.
1) I have hard time working while people watch me. Hell, I hate doing anything when people can see me, because as much as I like attention, I hate being a display. If that makes any sense.
2) Even though I have no real inclination to clean I need a clean envrionment. My roommates are usually neat, which prompts me to clean up after myself as well, which means that I have a reasonably well-ordered environment to work in. Here, both Muu and mine tendency for clutter comes out, so not only do I not have room to work on my desk, but stuff is pressing in on me. Of course, I know I should clean. The only excuses I offer right now is that I don't really have the time or the energy to do it.
3) A busy workload means lots of mental stress. So not only is my outside environment so piled up with junk, my head has a load of junk inside too that needs to be organized. And like the outside environment, I need to focus more on getting through everything than putting myself back together. So I reconcile my thoughts while I can and just enough to get it together for another day.
4) I have no escape. Literally none. I can't go someplace more ordered, I can't really feel justified in taking solitude that I need because I know I don't think about Muu's feelings when going off in solitude. So either I suffer, or I go off and hurt his feelings, which he does not deserve, and which distresses me even more, because I know it affects him, even if he won't tell me.
5) Tonight it's just particularly bad. The cable modem died, which meant no internet, no ability to double check what my Japanese assignment is, or find sources for a presentation I have tomorrow.
So, if I'm seeming a little off, that's why.
Over and out.
Now, I have to work at night. It really is when I think best and when I'm motivated. Which is why it sucks, that I'm getting so frustrated now. This is in no way Muu's fault, it's more mine because I really have a lot of privacy issues and the like.
1) I have hard time working while people watch me. Hell, I hate doing anything when people can see me, because as much as I like attention, I hate being a display. If that makes any sense.
2) Even though I have no real inclination to clean I need a clean envrionment. My roommates are usually neat, which prompts me to clean up after myself as well, which means that I have a reasonably well-ordered environment to work in. Here, both Muu and mine tendency for clutter comes out, so not only do I not have room to work on my desk, but stuff is pressing in on me. Of course, I know I should clean. The only excuses I offer right now is that I don't really have the time or the energy to do it.
3) A busy workload means lots of mental stress. So not only is my outside environment so piled up with junk, my head has a load of junk inside too that needs to be organized. And like the outside environment, I need to focus more on getting through everything than putting myself back together. So I reconcile my thoughts while I can and just enough to get it together for another day.
4) I have no escape. Literally none. I can't go someplace more ordered, I can't really feel justified in taking solitude that I need because I know I don't think about Muu's feelings when going off in solitude. So either I suffer, or I go off and hurt his feelings, which he does not deserve, and which distresses me even more, because I know it affects him, even if he won't tell me.
5) Tonight it's just particularly bad. The cable modem died, which meant no internet, no ability to double check what my Japanese assignment is, or find sources for a presentation I have tomorrow.
So, if I'm seeming a little off, that's why.
Over and out.
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no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 03:59 pm (UTC)*Hugs you*
no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 06:05 pm (UTC)