Blech. *now edited*
Sep. 9th, 2004 02:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dagas_isaYeah, too many whiny entries lately. I guess this is back at college for you. But if I didn't vent here, then I'd actually have to bother you all somewhere else. Best to get the wangst out where none of you have to listen to it.
I'm crying. And I don't know why. Many good things happened today. Ran into Mew on the quad on my way to Monkey class, met up with Megumi after Anthro. Spent the afternoon talking to Starry, and the evening on FFXI as part of a cool party (Starry, her fiance, their friend Amon, and two other not-so-cool people). It was fun, even during the time when I got KO'ed. Even got people laughing at a crappy pic I did for fun. ^^
So why is it not enough?
Edit [way, way after I wanted to]: For those of you who are actually concerned, last night ended up being somewhat unpleasant. The convo between Naelly and I happened at 3:00 a.m. Why because it's useless to cry oneself to sleep. Yes, I thought about just posting back in LJ, but apparently the server was down for maintenance, etc., etc., so I ended up running to Naela. So a vague comment about being discontent, particularly with friendships, ended up as a mini rant session between Naela and I about the state of HoP. Yes, she knows I posted that convo. Heck, I asked her permission.
So that said, I'm keeping the personal wangst from the last entry. Yes, I've been subtly hinting (a.k.a. attention whoring myself) for a while because I feel like the people I should actually matter to (the HoPers) I don't. I'm tired of only getting talked to when people want something (and this applies so beyond the person I've been blaming. You know, I'm trying to maintain contact with you guys. I just wish that you could try to do the same for me. Would it fegging hurt to IM someone who isn't all buddy-buddy with you? Would it?
Yesh, I know that you're all there when I come. But I don't want to do all the walking. So help me, I want to be able to look at my friends and say: "They seek me out. They love me, not because I ask them to, but because of who I am." If that's unreasonable, please tell me. But beware that it's probably going to end in a bitch-out screaming match.
I don't want to be told. I don't want to have to prod. I want to be shown. And if that means taking a couple of minutes out of a busy schedule (and again this applies to multiple people) so say 'hi' and ask how I am, and try to have a decent conversation, then I don't think that's unreasonable.
And yes, I'm fecking tired. Because it took me until 4:00 a.m. to finally calm myself down enough to sleep. And I'm feeling a tad selfish and hurtful right now, because the people whom I needed the most and who promised to be there for me when I need aren't there, even when the need is simple social interaction and a little bit of caring rather than a person to wangst to.
(This doesn't apply to Star, Chev, Naelly, Arccy, Yume, Sabi, and Beth. And the people I've only really started talking to a couple weeks ago, they're excused. The rest of you: *ahem*.)
Over and out.
I'm crying. And I don't know why. Many good things happened today. Ran into Mew on the quad on my way to Monkey class, met up with Megumi after Anthro. Spent the afternoon talking to Starry, and the evening on FFXI as part of a cool party (Starry, her fiance, their friend Amon, and two other not-so-cool people). It was fun, even during the time when I got KO'ed. Even got people laughing at a crappy pic I did for fun. ^^
So why is it not enough?
Edit [way, way after I wanted to]: For those of you who are actually concerned, last night ended up being somewhat unpleasant. The convo between Naelly and I happened at 3:00 a.m. Why because it's useless to cry oneself to sleep. Yes, I thought about just posting back in LJ, but apparently the server was down for maintenance, etc., etc., so I ended up running to Naela. So a vague comment about being discontent, particularly with friendships, ended up as a mini rant session between Naela and I about the state of HoP. Yes, she knows I posted that convo. Heck, I asked her permission.
So that said, I'm keeping the personal wangst from the last entry. Yes, I've been subtly hinting (a.k.a. attention whoring myself) for a while because I feel like the people I should actually matter to (the HoPers) I don't. I'm tired of only getting talked to when people want something (and this applies so beyond the person I've been blaming. You know, I'm trying to maintain contact with you guys. I just wish that you could try to do the same for me. Would it fegging hurt to IM someone who isn't all buddy-buddy with you? Would it?
Yesh, I know that you're all there when I come. But I don't want to do all the walking. So help me, I want to be able to look at my friends and say: "They seek me out. They love me, not because I ask them to, but because of who I am." If that's unreasonable, please tell me. But beware that it's probably going to end in a bitch-out screaming match.
I don't want to be told. I don't want to have to prod. I want to be shown. And if that means taking a couple of minutes out of a busy schedule (and again this applies to multiple people) so say 'hi' and ask how I am, and try to have a decent conversation, then I don't think that's unreasonable.
And yes, I'm fecking tired. Because it took me until 4:00 a.m. to finally calm myself down enough to sleep. And I'm feeling a tad selfish and hurtful right now, because the people whom I needed the most and who promised to be there for me when I need aren't there, even when the need is simple social interaction and a little bit of caring rather than a person to wangst to.
(This doesn't apply to Star, Chev, Naelly, Arccy, Yume, Sabi, and Beth. And the people I've only really started talking to a couple weeks ago, they're excused. The rest of you: *ahem*.)
Over and out.
