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I used to be an attention whore...
Oct. 11th, 2005 01:37 pm...but I'm okay now... hey! hey! Are you ignoring me? ; ; meanies!
Kidding. Kidding.
This writing/posting spree I've been on has been different from what's been going on in the past. I used to write for the attention of it. Just as a way to get self-affirmation. That the Dagas is good at or for something. Or some psychological crap like that.
This is much more of a "I want to express myself bitches! Rawr!" type writing/posting spree. Feedback and praise are nice yummy-yums, but right now, my world doesn't depend on someone telling me that "omg this is gud fic writ mor pls" or whatever. No, I just want to be heard and show the world something I've been hiding.
Some of this confidence (maybe a lot of it) comes from having Muu. I've got someone who values me, dammit! Not my ability, or my brains, or whatever have you, but the person and everything I am. The real honest person who skulks behind everything else. When you have that, from anyone, (friends, S/O, a family member, a mentor, even yourself) you've got all the self-affirmation you really need. Anything else is a bonus.
I used to be one much for apologizing for going in dips and turns and leaving somethings unfinished while moving on to the next so quickly. Or because things didn't equal some imaginary standard I set for myself, and because things didn't reach my standards, I obviously sucked.
Not anymore.
I am not a vacuum cleaner, therefore I don't suck. Or seriously, I have my talents at writing. Some people will naturally be more gifted, some (read: a lot) of equally or maybe even slightly less talented people will put more effort into improving, and their work will be better in the general sense. Doesn't make my work and worse than what it is.
I'm done apologizing for my hard work, dammit. Except for all those times when I've been an annoying bint in the past and said my work sucked. I think I can apologize for those without being a hypocrite.
Maybe this whole phase will pass. Maybe Axis, Starless, Closest, and the million and half one-shots, short stories and drabbles will never be realized. I'm having fun thinking and writing upon them now. And if the people who see my form of expressing themselves enjoy it too, awesome. I'm a 'now' type of girl.
***
In other news, got my test scores back today. 38/40 on my Bio Test, and 61.something/70 on my Japanese written midterm, which are both much better than what I expected.
We're starting a new reading/kanji book in Japanclass, which means new and more complicated ways of studying kanji, although not as evil as the previous way, which is good.
E to...what else is new...Archeology is as cool a class as it sounds like, and English is a lot of fun. I don't necessarily like courses with a lot of reading, but I find the discussion much more stimulating to listen to than just a lecture.
Oh yeah! And less than a month until Muu moves up here, and those marshmallow bird thingies up in Chambana can see just what kind of person it takes to 1) Fall head over heels in love with a Dagas, and 2) Have a Dagas fall in love back.
Mwaa!
Over and out.
Kidding. Kidding.
This writing/posting spree I've been on has been different from what's been going on in the past. I used to write for the attention of it. Just as a way to get self-affirmation. That the Dagas is good at or for something. Or some psychological crap like that.
This is much more of a "I want to express myself bitches! Rawr!" type writing/posting spree. Feedback and praise are nice yummy-yums, but right now, my world doesn't depend on someone telling me that "omg this is gud fic writ mor pls" or whatever. No, I just want to be heard and show the world something I've been hiding.
Some of this confidence (maybe a lot of it) comes from having Muu. I've got someone who values me, dammit! Not my ability, or my brains, or whatever have you, but the person and everything I am. The real honest person who skulks behind everything else. When you have that, from anyone, (friends, S/O, a family member, a mentor, even yourself) you've got all the self-affirmation you really need. Anything else is a bonus.
I used to be one much for apologizing for going in dips and turns and leaving somethings unfinished while moving on to the next so quickly. Or because things didn't equal some imaginary standard I set for myself, and because things didn't reach my standards, I obviously sucked.
Not anymore.
I am not a vacuum cleaner, therefore I don't suck. Or seriously, I have my talents at writing. Some people will naturally be more gifted, some (read: a lot) of equally or maybe even slightly less talented people will put more effort into improving, and their work will be better in the general sense. Doesn't make my work and worse than what it is.
I'm done apologizing for my hard work, dammit. Except for all those times when I've been an annoying bint in the past and said my work sucked. I think I can apologize for those without being a hypocrite.
Maybe this whole phase will pass. Maybe Axis, Starless, Closest, and the million and half one-shots, short stories and drabbles will never be realized. I'm having fun thinking and writing upon them now. And if the people who see my form of expressing themselves enjoy it too, awesome. I'm a 'now' type of girl.
***
In other news, got my test scores back today. 38/40 on my Bio Test, and 61.something/70 on my Japanese written midterm, which are both much better than what I expected.
We're starting a new reading/kanji book in Japanclass, which means new and more complicated ways of studying kanji, although not as evil as the previous way, which is good.
E to...what else is new...Archeology is as cool a class as it sounds like, and English is a lot of fun. I don't necessarily like courses with a lot of reading, but I find the discussion much more stimulating to listen to than just a lecture.
Oh yeah! And less than a month until Muu moves up here, and those marshmallow bird thingies up in Chambana can see just what kind of person it takes to 1) Fall head over heels in love with a Dagas, and 2) Have a Dagas fall in love back.
Mwaa!
Over and out.
