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When your eyes meet mine...
Dec. 27th, 2004 05:12 pmFirst off, Merry Christmas blah blah blah and all that stuff. Happy new year too. Might as well be early for that one. Not gonna brag about what I got from people. Let's just say that I'm not disappointed with my haul, and there was even something from my parents which came out of total left field, but that blew me away with how cool it was. And no, it wasn't CoM, although I got that too.
Second, I have Squeak and Star's cards, and Chev's check all nice and pretty, and they'll be out in the mail tomorrow.
That's all that really concerns you folks. The rest of this is my life, and so feel free to skip over the rest of this entry.
Christmas eve is the best day of the year. Sure you get the loot at Christmas, but in reality it's Christmas eve that means so much more to me. The Day is about presents and stuff if you're not religious. The Eve is about the people. On the Day I go to my Uncle Jim and Aunt Kay's house and have dinner. You know with parents and grandparents and one other atomic part of family that's like five people. It's not really a chore, but it's not really about the people. Fifteen years, my family has done the same thing for the Eve. We go to my Grandparent's house, and try to guess the amount of candy in a jar. Which is a hallowed tradition. Very hallowed and stuff. Then we go to the Turners who are... the family of my Dad's mother, who died when he was around 17 or so. We only see these people for a few hours every year. Christmas Eve always and sometimes the fourth of July. But they're awesome or something. The moment I enter the house I feel like I'm part of the family, even though I don't know the names of most of the people.
We played Life that evening. You know that old game where you take a car and try to get rich before you retire. Well it was Mommy, this 8-year-old girl named Mari, me, and Mari's father Chuck. Mari trounced us all. Meh. But other than that, when it was time for everyone to get married, I asked my mom whether she wanted a boy person or a girl person in the car with her. And because she had athlete as her chosen career, she ended up choosing a girl.
Me: Mom's gay.
Dad: Huh?
Mom: I'm gay.
Dad: I knew there was something funny about her.
(And no, despite the infamous threesome comment, my mom isn't gay.)
Well then it's Mari's turn to get married, and she mentions that she want's to have a girl with her too. And you can just see her dad kind of lose it. Kind of like. "No. You're marrying a guy." Actually she gets a boy-person, although she claims that it's a dog first. ^^ Good times. I went against the grain and got a boy.
The rest of the time was spent 'girl-talking' with Mari. The thing about Mari is that there are no girls in her family really. There's Rachel, and maybe one other girl, but as a 20-year-old, and kind of kiddy-looking still, I'm the closest to her age range. Poor girl. Although she claimed that her mind was filled up so I couldn't corrupt her. Heh.
***
The best thing so far is that I now have the entire first season of Dead Like Me on DVD now. Which means that I owe my soul to my mom. I love that series. I think enough to say that it's my favorite show. It's one of those things that can be irreverent and yet meaningful at the same time. And the characterization is just... wow... all the characters have this 3D quality that just sets them apart. Like no one is really good or evil or mean or nice, but they're all these little quirks and qualities. Particularly, I've noticed that how the reapers die reflect their personality and their life.
George: Hit by a toilet seat falling through the atmosphere and incinerated. It's random, and sort of unlucky and picked on, which is how she feels a lot of the time I think.
Mason: Drilled a hole in his skull looking for a permanent high. Think about this. I think that expresses his personality without explanation.
Betty: Jumped off a cliff into the water. Betty was one of those people who just shot forward and lived I guess. And the jumping this was a huge deal.
Roxy: She invented leg-warmers, and a jealous friend strangled her with them. Actually, Roxy is probably the weakest characterized of the reapers. But I think it reflects this sort of drive that Roxy has.
Daisy: I don't know for sure how she died, but I'm betting suicide. On one hand she has this highly dramatic flair to her, but on the other hand, she's much more sad than hse lets on. Outside of George, she's the only one whose last thought we really know. "Why have I never been loved." or something like that.
Rube: We don't know when or how he died, and actually that fits him better than anything. I don't think we're supposed to know anything about him besides his love of food and that he hands out the post-its and makes sure the reapers follow the rules.
***
My emotions... I don't know... I'm as isolated as usual, but trying to get used to quiet and stuff. Well, I felt isolated, but the Boy messaged me on Alla, and Megumi and I are having a bit of conversation on AIM. Still don't feel quite connected, but then I realize I can't complain because the people are reaching out, and I'm just not reaching back.
You know, I don't think there's anyone or anything I really truly care about. Or if I do care, I lock it up pretty deeply. You know, this sort of internal distance between myself and the rest of the world. Mari asked me who my 12 closest friends are, and you know, I'm thinking that I don't even have 12 people that I would call friends. Maybe if online people count, I could scrape up 12 people I'd call friends. But then I don't know if I have any friends at all. Just people who can stand me for short times and people that I hold on to even after my time with them has passed.
I think my role in life is to walk in and out of other people's life, touching it in a little way. I think I've maybe set up so many good things and friendships for other people. Started some good things, and all that, but nothing really permanent and wonderful for myself. I don't know if I can have that type of bond with anyone. And as vain as it would sound, I know that few of you are really close to me, and more of you are much, much closer to Megumi (much nicer and more talented, and more wonderful person than me, btw.), but think about this: even if you didn't start talking to her directly through me, if you wouldn't have met her except through FFN, through ficcage, through anything related to ficcage and FFN and all that, you wouldn't have met her if it weren't for me.
It's vain to think that matters to anyone, or take any credit for that. After all, people who are meant to meet, will meet. If something doesn't happen to bring about a consequence, something else will if it's important enough. But that's how I live with myself, so you all deal with it.
So I wonder if it's time for me to move on, even if I love you all.
"All along I was searching for my Lenore. In the words of Mr. Edgar Allen Poe. Now I'm sober and nevermore will the raven come to bother me at home."
Over and out.
Second, I have Squeak and Star's cards, and Chev's check all nice and pretty, and they'll be out in the mail tomorrow.
That's all that really concerns you folks. The rest of this is my life, and so feel free to skip over the rest of this entry.
Christmas eve is the best day of the year. Sure you get the loot at Christmas, but in reality it's Christmas eve that means so much more to me. The Day is about presents and stuff if you're not religious. The Eve is about the people. On the Day I go to my Uncle Jim and Aunt Kay's house and have dinner. You know with parents and grandparents and one other atomic part of family that's like five people. It's not really a chore, but it's not really about the people. Fifteen years, my family has done the same thing for the Eve. We go to my Grandparent's house, and try to guess the amount of candy in a jar. Which is a hallowed tradition. Very hallowed and stuff. Then we go to the Turners who are... the family of my Dad's mother, who died when he was around 17 or so. We only see these people for a few hours every year. Christmas Eve always and sometimes the fourth of July. But they're awesome or something. The moment I enter the house I feel like I'm part of the family, even though I don't know the names of most of the people.
We played Life that evening. You know that old game where you take a car and try to get rich before you retire. Well it was Mommy, this 8-year-old girl named Mari, me, and Mari's father Chuck. Mari trounced us all. Meh. But other than that, when it was time for everyone to get married, I asked my mom whether she wanted a boy person or a girl person in the car with her. And because she had athlete as her chosen career, she ended up choosing a girl.
Me: Mom's gay.
Dad: Huh?
Mom: I'm gay.
Dad: I knew there was something funny about her.
(And no, despite the infamous threesome comment, my mom isn't gay.)
Well then it's Mari's turn to get married, and she mentions that she want's to have a girl with her too. And you can just see her dad kind of lose it. Kind of like. "No. You're marrying a guy." Actually she gets a boy-person, although she claims that it's a dog first. ^^ Good times. I went against the grain and got a boy.
The rest of the time was spent 'girl-talking' with Mari. The thing about Mari is that there are no girls in her family really. There's Rachel, and maybe one other girl, but as a 20-year-old, and kind of kiddy-looking still, I'm the closest to her age range. Poor girl. Although she claimed that her mind was filled up so I couldn't corrupt her. Heh.
***
The best thing so far is that I now have the entire first season of Dead Like Me on DVD now. Which means that I owe my soul to my mom. I love that series. I think enough to say that it's my favorite show. It's one of those things that can be irreverent and yet meaningful at the same time. And the characterization is just... wow... all the characters have this 3D quality that just sets them apart. Like no one is really good or evil or mean or nice, but they're all these little quirks and qualities. Particularly, I've noticed that how the reapers die reflect their personality and their life.
George: Hit by a toilet seat falling through the atmosphere and incinerated. It's random, and sort of unlucky and picked on, which is how she feels a lot of the time I think.
Mason: Drilled a hole in his skull looking for a permanent high. Think about this. I think that expresses his personality without explanation.
Betty: Jumped off a cliff into the water. Betty was one of those people who just shot forward and lived I guess. And the jumping this was a huge deal.
Roxy: She invented leg-warmers, and a jealous friend strangled her with them. Actually, Roxy is probably the weakest characterized of the reapers. But I think it reflects this sort of drive that Roxy has.
Daisy: I don't know for sure how she died, but I'm betting suicide. On one hand she has this highly dramatic flair to her, but on the other hand, she's much more sad than hse lets on. Outside of George, she's the only one whose last thought we really know. "Why have I never been loved." or something like that.
Rube: We don't know when or how he died, and actually that fits him better than anything. I don't think we're supposed to know anything about him besides his love of food and that he hands out the post-its and makes sure the reapers follow the rules.
***
My emotions... I don't know... I'm as isolated as usual, but trying to get used to quiet and stuff. Well, I felt isolated, but the Boy messaged me on Alla, and Megumi and I are having a bit of conversation on AIM. Still don't feel quite connected, but then I realize I can't complain because the people are reaching out, and I'm just not reaching back.
You know, I don't think there's anyone or anything I really truly care about. Or if I do care, I lock it up pretty deeply. You know, this sort of internal distance between myself and the rest of the world. Mari asked me who my 12 closest friends are, and you know, I'm thinking that I don't even have 12 people that I would call friends. Maybe if online people count, I could scrape up 12 people I'd call friends. But then I don't know if I have any friends at all. Just people who can stand me for short times and people that I hold on to even after my time with them has passed.
I think my role in life is to walk in and out of other people's life, touching it in a little way. I think I've maybe set up so many good things and friendships for other people. Started some good things, and all that, but nothing really permanent and wonderful for myself. I don't know if I can have that type of bond with anyone. And as vain as it would sound, I know that few of you are really close to me, and more of you are much, much closer to Megumi (much nicer and more talented, and more wonderful person than me, btw.), but think about this: even if you didn't start talking to her directly through me, if you wouldn't have met her except through FFN, through ficcage, through anything related to ficcage and FFN and all that, you wouldn't have met her if it weren't for me.
It's vain to think that matters to anyone, or take any credit for that. After all, people who are meant to meet, will meet. If something doesn't happen to bring about a consequence, something else will if it's important enough. But that's how I live with myself, so you all deal with it.
So I wonder if it's time for me to move on, even if I love you all.
"All along I was searching for my Lenore. In the words of Mr. Edgar Allen Poe. Now I'm sober and nevermore will the raven come to bother me at home."
Over and out.
