What a lovely ficbit :) I do have a few bits of concrit though.
And perhaps, it was true, that Auron would, had he lived, chosen not to see and talk with the ghosts of his loved one. - Small typo - either "ghosts" should be singular or "one" should be plural :)
I absolutely love that Auron knows the exact amount of time that has passed since his death.
And how easy those breaths were than the ones he had tried to draw afterwards, when his pyreflies had threatened to leave with every exhalation. - This sentence feels a little unfinished; I feel like easy should be in the comparative form or there should be some other means of comparing the two, since the sentence doesn't read quite right. I do love the image, though, and the punch that the sentence provides.
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Date: 2006-11-05 06:59 am (UTC)And perhaps, it was true, that Auron would, had he lived, chosen not to see and talk with the ghosts of his loved one. - Small typo - either "ghosts" should be singular or "one" should be plural :)
I absolutely love that Auron knows the exact amount of time that has passed since his death.
And how easy those breaths were than the ones he had tried to draw afterwards, when his pyreflies had threatened to leave with every exhalation. - This sentence feels a little unfinished; I feel like easy should be in the comparative form or there should be some other means of comparing the two, since the sentence doesn't read quite right. I do love the image, though, and the punch that the sentence provides.